he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
