There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
