What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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