I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
