So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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