so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize