I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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