How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it hurts more in the daytime
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
