I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
