his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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