you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This girl is more easily done than said...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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