A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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