Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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