i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
