Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
