Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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