the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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