I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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