So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
