If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
