Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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