take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
