Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
