How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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