Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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