he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
