You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
