I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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