i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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