Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do vagina's smell?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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