Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
