The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
