What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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