You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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