so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
