I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
