the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
