Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
