just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
