I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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