what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
