i need an iv and a liver transplant
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
