oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Too much gin, very little bucket
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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