Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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