Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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