Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?