Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him