Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
