we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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