he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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