my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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