Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
