She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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