Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize