all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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