What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
