I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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