He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
