So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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