Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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