I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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