I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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