M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
