Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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