I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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