$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize