im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
