So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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